Who Needs Meat?

I guess Brian would argue that he does. But I know he would not complain if I served him this vegetarian plate. Baked yam, kohlrabi greens, and polenta stuffed peppers (Thank You Martha). Eli ate every last bite (with much prodding, like any other meal except macaroni and cheese, homemade of course) and didn't complain about not liking any of it, not even the slightly bitter greens!

Bri's in New Jersey right now at Soo Bahk Nationals, so I'm free to cook as meatless as I like. Tofurkey (lunch"meat") sandwiches for lunch, Soyizo for breakfast, Korean tofu soup yesterday. I'm not against meat, some things just get on my conscience. So here comes my craziness. I just feel like it's too easy to eat meat without thinking about how it got to us, bonelss, on styrafoam behind plastic wrap. I've heard people complain about how yucky raw meat is or not wanting to see a bone or blood. This bothers me some. Where's the revrence and gratitude. I feel bad too about my past cheapness, wanting to get meat, eggs, and milk for as cheap as possible, not thinking about how that drives "ranchers" and "farmers" to give the animals no quality of life.


For now I'm fine buying meat, free range, grass fed. It doubles the price, and so I am avoiding the subject by just buying produce, tofu, and fish. We plan on ordering beef and pork from our CSA that raises it's own heritage breed, happy-until-the-end cows and pigs. I'm excited about ordering a Thanksgiving turkey from them too, actually. So there we go. Got a little heavy there, just planned on showing our fabulous vegetarian feast.

Sickness Should Start With A "T"

I wish it was an April fools trick

It has been two days of tissue, tea, and tylenol. Eli's got two personalities- medicine working and medicine wearing off. Extreme sweetness and whininess switching off. I'm trying to apply more of that patience you hear about when becoming a parent.

You see, if you asked Brian to change one thing about me (I know, this is getting serious), making me more long-suffering and cheerful while caring for those actually suffering would top the short list. His mother's past pampering is making me look bad. I'm actually quite sympathetic, but the whining gets to me. And since it is impossible for children and men (my only housemates) to not complain while sick, I must be the one to change.

I do feel bad for the little guy. I'm also sad about the timing. Right now I should be at the opening of the new, closer Food Co-Op. Tomorrow is Brian's mission reunion. Saturday is easter egg hunt day AND when 3 of our favorite people are supposed to be coming over, including Emi, for fun and fabulous food. And this morning, we finally got some substantial snow. Just after moving here I decided it was my favorite, walking to class in the morning after a good snow, before the sun comes and it still delicately blankets the trees. I've always wanted to take pictures of it. And Eli forgot about his aversion to the cold and actually requested to go outside. So much for snowballs and snow shots.

Okay, I'll stop with the alliteration and complaining.




On a positive note. Esme hasn't shown any signs of sickness, Eli's finally learned to sneeze into his elbow, we have yummy chili to warm up with, and even loads of chocolate cookie dough in the fridge. My Swiss grandma believed whole-heartedly in the healing properties of chocolate.

Goals Of A Stay At Home Mom

Soon after I had Eli, a friend visited because she heard moms are bored and lonely. Lonely? ehh... sometimes. Bored?... never.

In the past I remember being completely unproductive one day and intensely busy another, like making a 5 course dinner or sewing for 10 hours. Things have evened out, maybe since we got rid of cable, apparently watching cooking and design shows isn't the same as actually cooking and crafting. Lately I have a mental check list to keep days balanced and fruitful. Wow, I just counted them- 7! I could make a connection to a certain Mormon author, but won't. Okay, here I go. And posting more often isn't one of them, don't worry.

Wear something presentable. For sure by the time Bri comes home. It's messy business taking care of a family, so I usually stay in sweats all day unless we head out, which I only have energy to do once or twice a week with two kids. Since I'm not into make-up and time-consuming hair, I could at least not look like a lazy bum when my husband gets home.

Clean something. Beyond the dishes and general tidying. Like laundry, the floors, or a bathroom if I'm feeling extra-motivated.

Cook something. I know, I know. I love to cook, so this shouldn't be hard. But I do have TWO kids now and we are often tempted to eat out, but a new budget should keep us in check. I must plan ahead, prep early, and work quietly during nap time.

Make something. If I work on projects a little each day, I'm less tempted to ignoreeverything/one and go craft crazy to get a project done. I've learned to work 10 minutes here, 10 minutes there and still get things done without leaving Esme to cry and Eli to be stuck to the TV.

Teach something. My main job, right? Sometimes I just sing the ABC's with Eli or go over his lesson from church, other times are more hands on with learning how plants grow or how to peel a carrot. Although, I realize he's always learning, like how to act when he's frustrated. It's usually an aggravated sigh, much like my own. Or chewing out Bri under his breath when he finds something out of place... now he's teaching me something, about myself.

Do something fun. Sometimes I feel like a nag, "finish your food, pick up your toys, be quiet..." Nothing makes Eli happier than someone pushing trains with him or playing hide and go seek. Today it was Esme chasing (via me) the squealing boy around the house.

Learn something. This one is new today. I'm pretty much the opposite of a book worm, but I like browsing craft, cooking, and now photography blogs. I've been meaning to read a book by this guy, so I'd better start.

They seem like simple things, but I think they each stand for something bigger.

My Escape

(no, not the random guy below)

I've decided to join this photography club. I didn't even know such things existed until a couple weeks ago. Luckily for Brian, events only come once a month or so and it's free. A little time with both kids always rejuvenates his appreciation for me and vice-versa . Not that we don't already.

Last week I went to my first two events. Saturday was a little intimidating. Nine photographers volunteered to set up various stations with models to teach us about camera settings and various lighting techniques. When it was time to start, I happened to be standing right in front of one and was first. Ahh! Who am I, Nigel Barker? I just want to learn to take good photos of my family, but I like the chance to learn and stretch myself.

The first set up was my favorite, two lights on opposite sides illuminating the white background (apparently it would turn out grey if not lit) and one big soft light above at a 45 degree angle in front of this guy.

Everyone is friendly and the man in charge is really funny. There are even door prizes, provided by a this camera store. I'm sure they'll get plenty of business from me since I'm seeing all these cool, necessary gadgets and lenses everyone has (Like the last picture, it is with this special lens that turns background objects into whatever

shape template you

drop in the front of the lens, those are just regular christmas lights behind her-not that I would drop $250 for that).

I look forward to learning from them all, since everyone's more experienced than I am. I'm just glad for that community education class last year that taught me the basics in working my digital SLR so I can even understand their instructions.

I've already learned some crucial stuff and can't wait for warmer weather when we're outside, taking pictures of beautiousness around the state. I look forward to rubbing shoulders with experts and enthusiasts all willing to share what they know.

I'd love company if anyone wants to come, activities are listed on the photowalking Utah website.

27 Years Ago Today

Thanks Mom.

When I had friends over for a party growing up my mom would always make sure and pull out a note card with sentimental tidbits about my birthday, as if teenagers care about what a beautiful clear day it was with fresh white snow glistening. But I care, and thank you for always making me feel special on this day.

Late Pregnancy Perks

There are some benefits to being 8 months along. And I've been thinking long and hard. Here they are in the order they came to mind:

-My stomach is actually tight and firm, despite being a little rotund.

-Strangers are more polite, holding doors, giving up a spot in line, or insisting on carrying things for me.

-Food is no longer the enemy now that the nausea is gone.

-My husband is uber helpful, cheezy, and grateful (either that he doesn't have to do this, or that I am)

-Nesting has my house quite orderly.

-SHE will be here soon. It gets a little more real every day. I watch and feel her kicks from the outside too, triple proof.

-Realizing how close we are makes me cherish my one-on-one time with the boy more. I just want to spoil him with fun and love.

Don't judge the order, please.

All By Myself

Coming from a mom, that is not a pitiful declaration. Brian has taken the boy fishing today and told me to do nothing productive. What does he think I am, a single college student on a reading day before finals?! That is no longer possible.

It was almost noon and I had spent all my time tidying, doing two loads of laundry and the dishes until I finally decided I could ignore my hungry belly and greasy hair any longer. So I've sat down for some caprese (heavy on the cheese) and dark chocolate and posting. Ah.. a quiet meal without nagging for each bite to go in a scrawny boy's mouth (although he will eat anything, for that I am grateful). Only a coke with lemon would make this perfect.

And now I must hurry and get outta here, the fishing didn't work out and they're on their way home. It's sad to say I almost got teary watching Eli out the window, climbing into the Jeep to leave me, but now I feel an urgency to leave before he sees me. Hope the outlets in Park City aren't too crazy and that my tiring body and achy hips don't mind my grandiose shopping plans.

26

That is how old I am today. I hope nobody ever asks my age again. Almost 30?! That's not possible. I'm having a hard time because, as I recently realized, being young has always been part of my identity. I was the youngest child, well...until I was 12. I was Suzie's youngest daughter, or Simone and Cirila's little sister. Now that little sister is finding white hairs. Very disturbing. I'm just grateful for those 4 months that make Brian older than me and that he too has 3 white hairs.

It's not all so bad, though. The sweet thing found some of his martial arts students to watch Eli while he took me to a fancy Swiss restaurant in Park City. The drive was picturesque through the canyon with trees delicately frosted and the snow a shade of pink from the sun setting behind us. At Adolf's we splurged on veal and a rack of lamb. Over dessert we realized that memories like that were the best present, since neither of us could remember what we had gotten the year before.

He even made me an almost flourless chocolate cake (actually I insist on that, a from scratch cake shows way more love than something from a box or store [unless its a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake, of course]).

I've also decided to copy the tradition of taking a birthday portrait. No frills or cheezy smiles. It will be fun to see how we all change from year to year.

Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone.

I Love Cleaning

Ever since my clingy son was born, I have appreciated a good house-scrubbing so much more. Being able to walk around and clean with childless-arms is a newly appreciated blessing. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I feel like all I do is clean up after two boys, and I want to go on strike (and sometimes do). Brian is sweet and helps when he can, like the dishes last night, but this week the dishes and toys and boxes (thank you for the packages family) have been piling up while I rush to bake, sew, shop, do laundry, make cards, etc. This morning I took advantage of Eli's attention span. He gleefully helped me pop in Shrek and I went to town on the kitchen. I wish I was in there right now to enjoy the sterile empty sink and clutterless counters. I couldn't even wreck it by making lunch, so we just warmed up some frozen burritos.

If you think I'm crazy now, I'm going to be a real maniac in February. I'm going to my sister's in California so I can take care of the house when she brings home baby #3. Can't wait. I hope he'll have a quiet cry so I can sleep because I plan on cleaning, organizing, cooking (present and future meals) constantly.

Hmmm...Eli has taught me to be thankful for work. Amazing. And I thought kids just taught us about being a good example, forgiveness, and love.

Why I Blog

Let me begin by telling you why I haven't for the past week, in case anyone noticed. I am feast or famine when it comes to getting things done. Some days Brian comes home and there is no dinner, a sink full of dirty dishes, and no clean underwear. Other days, most of them, I hope, the house is tidy, a from scratch dinner is hot and waiting, and the blog is updated. Most people would say they've been so busy they haven't been able to post. I've been so not busy I haven't been able to post. Plus I've been a little daunted about all my ideas and how to share them, which is harder for me than writing about our goings on. Can I write about Christmas ideas without any for Thanksgiving? How many recipes are too many for a not food blog?
On to more productive things. Anna suggested I blog for months, but, indecisive and self-conscious as I am, I assumed I wouldn't be able to come up with anything valuable enough for you and I to spend our time on. Several factors changed my mind.
Eli and our far away family and friends. Besides calling my sister, I'm not much of a caller, so it's the perfect way to stay in touch with people and let them see Eli grow up.
Loneliness. Sad, huh? Sandy doesn't seem to be the most personable city and I felt I had tried hard enough with inviting people over and to do play dates that I gave up. (Don't worry, we're going to our first mommy/play group next week).I choose to connect with my loving family and existing friends. If Eli does something cute or I come across a fabulous recipe or money-saving tip, I want to share it. It is always my goal to come up with something good enough to get my sister to comment, so far its only happened twice.
Heart on my sleeve. For some reason, between my big mouth and animated facial expressions, most of my thoughts are no longer personal to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not tactless, just easy to read and unreserved. I try to give the reader a little something extra, not just a recipe or what we did that day, but some background or thoughts.
Journal with immediate gratification. I don't have to slowly and laboriously dictate ideas and events onto a paper journal that will lay shut until I die when nosy children will thumb through it, I can reap the rewards and hear from others as I go. Especially appealing to me is that every year or so we can make a lovely blurb book with our picture-laden online journal. More importantly, Eli, and any other possible children, will have the highlights from their childhood complete with dates, photos, and their mom's sassy storytelling.

So, thanks for reading and commenting, so I know I'm not the only one here.

The Bob

I love the Bob. I do not speak of a certain builder, sponge, or fancy jogging stroller, but the haircut. I've been leaning towards shorter hair since high school. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to doing hair and make-up, so long hair just goes up in a pony tail.
For me, short hair= easy style. And the bob seems pretty timeless-popular since the 20's.
Where did I choose to get the beloved haircut? A hair school. For some reason I followed Brian's recommendation. Luckily I'm not attached to my hair, teachers must always check their work, and it was $12.
I should have waited to talk about this on one of those rare days that I use the hair dryer. Well, I tried, but Eli got traumatized. I just let it air dry to see how things would turn out, since that's what I'll be doing every other day of the year.

Helena Jr.

Brian sometimes complains, but is getting used to the fact that Eli is just like me. Seems strange for a boy to share more traits with his mom than his dad, but things could be worse- he did like me enough to marry me. We're still having a hard time finding a similarity between the boys besides Eli's slightly Asian eyes. The little boy and I, on the other hand, share many characteristics, in appearance and personality:

1. Cautious- Eli and I are both very careful to avoid bodily injury. We have many examples, but I refuse sledding and Eli won't go down a slide alone.
   
2. Organized- We are both pretty tidy and Eli doesn't mind doing "clean up" and will even throw away trash when he finds it.
3. Attached- When I was 13 I cried and cried when my sister left after a month-long visit. I even teared up when Brian left in August for 8 days. When Eli finds someone (only women) he likes-say the mom of a playmate- he cries when they leave and runs to the window to watch them go.
4. Prepared- When I had to write a paper (on the eve of it's due date) I would have already organized notes, sources, and my thoughts before slowly writing the one-and-only draft, which I often wouldn't even proofread before turning in. Eli walked later than some (14 months), waiting until he had the skills to take on this new ability safely.
5. Pets- We both prefer cats.
   
6. Looks- Apparently he has my ears, nose, and lips.
   
7. My Favorite- His shoulder dimples.

Maybe when Eli gets older he'll be more like his dad. Until then, I'll gloat.

Succulents

I adore them. I think I always have. There's just something about the geometric designs of those juicy leaves. I'm somewhat sentimental about plants that remind me of California, and especially my grandma's garden. I think its good to decorate your home with things that say something about what makes you you, and so, there are some potted succulents to greet us at our door. Succulents are pretty much the only plant that will survive in Utah without a greenhouse. When snow comes I'll just perch them on our window sill. I love their simplicity, aesthetically and in their care. Just give them a spot in the sun in sandy soil and water them when you remember (hopefully that's not too often). You can propagate them easily with a fallen branch or the cutting of a leaf. They make elegant gifts or even a fast-growing ground-cover in your garden. Today, in my new blog-perusing-habit I found another reason to admire this large genus of plants, they're eco-friendly. For types you probably can't find anywhere else in Utah, go to this amazing garden store, Cactus and Tropicals. (I'm afraid to say the picturesque gathering to the right is not mine.)

Happy 1st August!!!

This is the perfect day to talk about my Swissness. I don't even know any history, but today is the 717th anniversary of the forming of the Swiss confederation. The fabulous Swiss Consulate sent me an invitation to a party with music and a children's parade at Sugarhouse Park. I sure hope nobody tries to speak German to me. The language barrier is the one that always makes me feel like I don't belong, but since my passport is red, it's a matter of documentation, not my self conscious notions. As soon as we can afford it, we will go again, until then we must reminisce about our August 2005 trip.
1) Here is the darling school where my sisters and I attended kindergarten. I have a few memories of walks with my class in the forest, snacks of cucumber and fleischkaese, and my first little crush (of whom I still get reports on whenever I go back).
2) Next is a view from a walk in Appenzellerland. Why people from here are considered hicks and are often embarrassed to call this home, I don't know. (You MUST click to enlarge)
3) Now comes THE Rhine River that had Brian in awe. (Wait until you see the mountains, honey)
4) It wouldn't be a trip to Switzerland without trying to keep up with Papi on a trek around the Saentis mountain range, the mountains closest to home. This is where Brian got... lets say, "uneasy". Apparently the Idaho mountains aren't this intensely jagged, steep, and soaring.
5) He was further impressed when the pilot pointed out the Alps on the way home. Poor guy later told me he was planning to show me what mountains really looked like, but was saddened that it happened the other way around.
I'm feeling better already. It's not all in the language, there has to be something to say for heritage and memories. Hopefully this newfound confidence will stick with me tonight.

Will I Have Anything Good to Say

I sure hope so, and Eli had better take some long naps if I'm going to end up posting anything with all my revisions and indecisiveness. Besides, friends and family, I want you to have something more exciting to read than Brian's meager and dull computer programming blog. I was just wondering-since motherhood and graduation- how long it had been since I created anything more substantial than a quickly jotted grocery list or email. Hopefully after all my toil at the keyboard a few of you important people may leave some comments so I don't feel so alone in this office during nap time. It seems we're all benefiting (Yikes, an inadvertent thesis) .